User blog:Aniju Aura/Things to Remember

Need to keep a blog about things

Language
Rapher - genderless parent, RahRah means creator, Rah also used as a sign of respect for a parent like figure. (Ra - Sun God, Rah - sign of respect in Watership Down, R is neutral letter, Rara nick named to Countess Coloratura, song Kaveh sing who is technically a RahRah, but prefers Papa)

Suri - Pernounced as sir- ree, means birth giver, for Hermaphobite species

Nuri - prenounced a Nar- ree, mean Sire, for hermaphobite species

SeiNie - Parents

Sei/Nei - SeiSuire/NeiNurie, being raised by one parent

Turi - Child, Turieh; plural Children

Eko - Siblings

Kei - Younger Sibling: Ekokei

Mei - Older Sibling: Ekomei

Etokakei Varoom - Word Sid and Jasper use to explain to a car to Cutthroat and Jack Knife. They taught it to othr Klamijties.

fentimans (more like soda, but doesn't have more than 5 ingrediants). Hotlips (Fruit juice soda, sometimes has fruit pulp). Dry (almost like flavored tonic, but much better tasting).

Physical Things
There was a blockage in my large intestines on the left side. First noticed it on Saturday and it moved on Sunday. It sting constantly and would go from a mild to server stining at times. Cold sweats, achy joints and shacking.

This has kind away?

Heartburn started Thursday around 7 or so at night, did not eat for several hours. No relief for about an hour. Bought Prilosec and started taking once a day around 1 am. Stopped taking Xanacx because Prilosec says do not take with anxiety medication. Been surviving ever since. Chewing gum to help with heartburn. Jaws' are tired, but it sooths my burn throat. Could not sleep for about four days. Now doing better but entrance to stomach still sore.

Dizzy, somewhat feel like I am moving? Not spinning, not often. Feels like I am slightly in another spot like flow there?

Tingling and numbness in sides of head about the ear and along the side. Tingling in hands and sometimes legs and feet. Palms, wrist and joints(elbows) hurt. Pain in upper back and neck. Feel lightheaded and drowsy, tired, like suddenly gonna fall asleep. Can not focus on anything else during this.

Anxiety and stressed out, like I am trying but nothing is working. I know I am not dying but it feels like I am. I'm scared.

Possibly suffering from withdraws? When heartburn hit I completely stopped drinking sodas. I was before drinking one to two sodas a day. I knew I had a problem so I decided to cut back so I would not get withdraws. I tried diet and coke zero, coke zero gave me heartburn so I stopped with that. I bought pepci, the little cans, in an attempt to drink one a day, have less than I was before. Never drank any, they still sitting there. I give them to Danielle and Will I guess. Looks up sympthoms of caffaine withdraws, sounds  bit like what I have and it can cause anxiety and depression. Great!

Mental Things
Mentally I am a mess. I am worrying about things, mostly getting beter before trip. We are going to Arizona and will be there from Thursday to Sunday. I can't be sick. I really want to go. I'm not gonna be better in time.

Having the most trouble a night or early in the morning before sleep. My brain wonders and my thoughts are everywhere. No real comfort other than playing a game. Started playing Pokemon Black again and Solitar on phone for distractions. I tired myself out until exhaustion just to sleep.

I started to do better over the weekend. Heartburn was mild and easily fixed with medicine. I was going on walks again, not as long as before, but I was outside for about two to three hours. Hung out in front and back yard with the dogs and rats, sometimes brought Fig too. I was feeling better finally and looking forward to the therapist visit.

Then Bytes banned me and everything just disintegrated for like a day. The heartburn was a bit more difficult to manage that day. And on that day was the first time I felt the tinging and headaches on the sides of my head and the join pain returned. Was it the added stress? I was emotionally destroyed on the inside and my brother kept bothering me while I was messaging Bytes about the router and his TV. I kept it together though but never messaged Bytes back. Don't think I will. I didn't need this.

I looked back on the things I drew for Bytes. There are far more for her than others, not as many as for Ash but she like second place. That's just goes to show how much she meant to me. Bytes was one of the first people who like made me feel welcomed and listened to me and tried to help. Tea did too but he not around as much. For a brief there I even had a little crush on Bytes too. It went away but like can't deny it. I am so devastated. This has been weighting heavily on my mind. I didn't tell Therapist this.

I spoke to Void, who has been my emotional support person. c: I needed someone after that. Suddenly going to the therapish was scary. Void reassured me that everything would be okay and it was. I spoke to Jijo too but they like were distracted. Void was too but Void put more effort into it. I don't like being a bother but in those times I need someone. I need my friends. I'll never be comfortable again there. I will always be worried. I'll go back though. My friends are there. I didn't even "vent" that day. It was a good day.

Hmmm break it down I guess.

Bytes is mad at me

I feel outcasted

I feel alienated

I feel like I am not good enough

But I can't help how I feel. This has been going on for awhile and I have been feeling sick. That's okay. It's okay to tell others how you feel.

It happened, there nothing you can do about it. We need to worry about other more important things. You still have your friends. You can still talk to your friends. Your fam still loves you.

I still think Bytes is the coolest and I still like them.